Life is busy, even more so as a parent. If you have more than one child, life is even busier. Most likely you find yourself taking the easy way out and telling your kids “no” more often than not. Especially if you are tired and they consistently ask for things.
What happens when you say “no”? Are you really listening to what they are saying? How are you making them feel? Obviously, you cannot say yes to ever request, however there are other ways to go about these situations and have a more positive result.
Say “Yes” with Guidelines
It is ok to say yes as long as their are guidelines to your answer. For example, your child wants to stay up later. This is a great time to reward them for being responsible and let them know that you trust them, but also add a few conditions. First, you might compliment for asking and tell them you are ok with it since they have show more responsibility. You might add that as long as their room is picked up they can stay up 30 minutes later on school nights and a hour on the weekends.
Say “Yes” , but Let’s Talk About It
Your child wants the ability to ride their bike to a friends house without you. First, find out why this important by asking “What” or “How” questions. “Why” questions can be judgmental and should be avoided. Some examples of questions might be “What is it about riding to friends by yourself is so important” or “How will riding to your friends house by yourself make you feel”? Once you understand your child’s motivation, you can figure out how to make it work. These situations build trust and will let your child know they can come to you about anything.
As parents, we often get caught up in the day to day hustle and forget to read deeper into what our kids are asking. Taking a time to reflect what they are really asking will make your relationship stronger.
If you are interested in contacting Brad Fantle for speaking engagements you may reach him by email at firstname.lastname@example.org. He is a 7th Degree Black Belt with Tiger Rock Martial Arts, has 25 years experience working with children and teaching self-defense, an ADHD Coach and has a BA in Sports & Fitness from the University of Alabama